Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Deep End

It's hard to believe that I have less than a month left of school. For those of you familiar with the inside workings of a school, you know this time of year is very unique. It is exhausting making the final push...everyone is beyond tired, summer is just around the corner (although one wouldn't have guessed that with the snow we got here today), and there are always soooo many things left to teach/learn/finish in the last month. In spite of all this stress and tiredness, though, you start to see a twinkle in teachers' eyes. One of the bright spots at school this time of year is the promise of an end in sight (not many professions get a clean start each year) and the hope of a new year...a chance to try again, try differently.

The fact that I won't be at my school next year is even more obvious as so many discussions in the lounge and meetings turn to next year. It is such a strange feeling! Strange because I feel left out and a little jealous of my teacher friends who know where they're going to be next year. Strange because I'm starting to see my school and what we do with a little different perspective....that of an outsider.

I have no doubt that Jay and I are on the right track to where we need to be going. Do I know where that is? I wish! There are so many unknowns, and that is hard for me. Really hard for me. I like love crave order and plans. Not too much of either around here right now!

Since we began this journey many months ago we both have stated that we had faith things would work out. Looking back, that is really an easy statement to claim when you both have jobs and the jumping point is over half a year away. Well, as the time is quickly approaching, and we have less and less of our "security blankets" to cling to, the meaning is taking on more truth. We both still believe it. Even though we don't know where we're going to be after Jay is done with school or what we'll be doing, God does. We're okay with that. Always have been.

I love the saying, "It's easy to have deep-end faith when you're splashing around in the shallow end." I have never related so much to this quote before. Previously I had thought about it when someone I knew was going through a trying time. I used it to remind myself not to judge the way in which they were dealing with their situations. Now, though, I can apply it to our situation. We are leaving the shallow end. Leaving behind the comforts and security of jobs, the known, and time. We are moving farther into the depths of the unknown and having to truly trust in what is unseen.

Tot ziens!

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